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Just a city boy born and raised on Roosterteeth. He took the midnight train going to Alternia.

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The Joys of Raising Five Boys (6/6)

Title: The Joys of Raising Five Boys (Part Ray)

Rating: T

Previous Parts: Part 1 (Geoff),Part 2(Ryan) Part 3(Michael),Part 4(Jack),Part 5 (Gavin)

Notes: All the thanks in the world to PossiblyMichaelJones for betaing, CaffeineAssassin and Silivarius for all the kind words after each chapter, and anyone who bothered reading all six parts as though it was actually good writing xD

Summary: OR the one where Achievement Hunter is actually a family of five boys raised by Geoff Ramsey (The chapter where Ray colors some ponies and Mario Kart gets played)


Ray was bent over his My Little Pony coloring book, flipped open to an Applejack page, when the screen door opened and Michael, Gavin, and Dan flooded in. His brothers made a beeline for the fridge, but Dan plopped into the seat across from him, leaning over to see the picture.

“Whatcha working on little man?”

“Not little.” Ray objected. “Coloring Applejack because she’s the best. I colored you one too, though.”

“Whoa, really?” He leaned on his hand, watching as Ray flipped back in the book before producing a colored picture of Rarity with “To: Dan the Man, From: Ray” in messy purple crayon. “Man, thanks Ray! I always wanted to put Rarity on my wall.”

“She’s cool, I guess. Applejack and Fluttershy are way better.”

“Hells yeah.” Michael exclaimed, ruffling Ray’s hair as he sat down next to him. “You mind if I sit here to work on my homework, Ray?”

Ray shook his head, concentrating on tracing the outline of the dip in the ponies hip with a darker shade of orange. He only glanced up when Gavin returned and tossed a bottle of Bug Juice over his head, Dan catching it after a moment of fumbling.

“Lets go outside,” Gavin suggested as he grabbed the other boys upper arm, already pulling him towards the back door.

Dan glanced back and waved a bit, “Bye Ray, thanks for the drawing!”

“Bye Dan!” Ray called after him.

Gavin pushed Dan out of the back door before sliding the glass shut behind them.

Silence rang for a minute, Ray coloring and Michael pulling his books out before the elder said, “I’m going to go put some MLP reruns on the TV until the others get back.”


Hearing the door open, Ray flew out of the living room and launched himself at Geoff’s legs.

“Daddy!” he cried, rubbing his head against his legs. His smile stretched when his dad messed up his hair before lifting him up, adjusting him onto his hip.

“Hey big man, how was your day?”

“Oh man, it was so good daddy!” Ray exclaimed. “Dan came over and Jack got all red at dinner because Joel asked him out, whatever that means, and at school Courtney shared her chips with me! She never shares her chips with me!”

“I’m gonna have to check and make sure she didn’t give you cooties then.” Geoff teased as he pressed a sloppy kiss to Ray’s forehead.

The five year tilted his head, “What are cooties?”

“Cooties are tiny bugs you get from girls.” Michael declared from the sink, elbow deep in soapy water. “They eat through your skin until you die.” Then he half turned and added, “There’s left over burritos in the microwave for you, dad.”

“Courtney’s cooties are going to kill me?!”

“Oh yeah, totally.” Michael reaffirmed, nodding.

Ray was silent for a minute before shrugging, “Well okay! As long as she talks to me lots before!”

“You are too fucking cute, kid,” Geoff laughed as he lowered Ray to the floor. “Why don’t you go get Gavin and Dan? Tell them we’re gonna play a game after I eat and talk to Jack.”

“Can we play Mario Kart?” questioned Ray, already heading towards the back door.

Geoff nodded, “Sure, buddy.”


Ray sat nestled in-between Dan’s legs, watching as Gavin and Michael faced off in their first round of the tournament. The elder boy’s hands were weaving through Ray’s hair as the five year old leaned against his chest. They listened to the muttered cuss words and loud insults the two in front of them were firing off as well as the soft conversation between his elder brothers and father on the couch behind them.

“You know, you should hang out with Gav and I more often Ray.” Dan drawled. “We wouldn’t mind.”

Ray shook his head, “Gavin doesn’t want me around when you guys are hanging out.”

“That’s not it,” Dan objected. “Your brother and I just talk about some really weird things when we’re together. He doesn’t want you to think he’s lame, because he loves you a lot, you know?”

Ray tilted his head back, “Really?”

“Totally.” Ray thought about this for a second before shimmying out of Dan’s legs. “Hey! Where are you going? I was just starting to get comfortable.”

Ray didn’t say anything as he crawled over to Gavin, who was leening back as he waited for Michael to finish their third track in second place. “Gavin.”

Gavin hummed as he looked over at Ray, “What’s up?”

“Will you come to the park with me tomorrow? We can play whatever you want.”

“Huh? That’s no problem.” Gavin answered, his eyebrow furrowing together. “Why are you asking right now, though?”

Ray smiled, “No reason, you’re just the coolest big brother ever.”

A smile spread across Gavin’s face as well and he shoved at Michael’s upper arm as the older boy was flipping through to find the next track they were supposed to play, “You hear that, Michael? Ray thinks I’m the coolest big brother.”

“No one gives a shit, Gav. The rest of us know it’s not true.”

“Michael.” Geoff warned.

The boy took a deep breath before glancing over at the younger two and muttering, “Dad is such a hypocrite, I swear.”

“That may be true, but he’s a hypocrite who can take away your allowance,” Gavin answered.

Ray pouted, “When do I get an allowance? I want to buy my own ponies.”

“Ray, you have to do chores to get an allowance,” Michael declared. “It’s not that fun, trust me.”

Gavin leaned over, whispering into Ray’s ear, “Don’t listen to him, Ray-man. Michael’s just mad because he has to clean the bathroom this week.”

“Hey, dumb and dumber!” Ryan called and all three boys snapped around to look at him. “Get your laps finished so I can kick Dad’s butt.”

“Oh, you think you’re gonna win?” Geoff asked, raising an eyebrow.

Jack rolled his eyes, “Obviously he’s going to win, Dad. You’re getting old after all.”

“Old! Say that to my face you shit head.”

“Hypocrite!” Gavin and Michael sung together, pointing at their father.

As the argument developed between the older members of the family, Dan sighed, “Man, Ray, what’s wrong with your family?”

Ray smiled brightly and answered, “Nothing, we’re just a little weird.”